Stage 1, It's No Big Deal, Right?

WRONG!

I remember the exact moment when the nurse navigator told me, “It’s only stage one so it’s not a big deal.” In some ways she was right but in others she was very wrong. What followed was a conversation of what the next few weeks of my life would look like. Numerous doctor appointments, scans, biopsies and more. I also had to make life altering decisions in a short amount of time.

The “no big deal” part was because stage one cancer is very treatable and has a very high success rate of the patient becoming NED (no evidence of disease). As breast cancer patients, we are never told we are in remission but rather NED. That’s just in case the cancer’s ugly head rears itself back as another type of breast cancer or shows up in one of our other organs, most common areas are the bones, liver, lung or brain.

The BIG DEAL part comes when we are told our options. I was given the choice to do a mastectomy (removal of my breast) or a lumpectomy (removal of the tumor with clear margins surrounding the area) followed by 12 weeks of radiation. I chose the mastectomy because I wanted to avoid doing radiation for many reasons and I wanted to make the choice with the best outcome. I was hoping to do the mastectomy and reconstruction and then go back to my life as usual. It did not work out that way but for many people it does.

So when your medical team says, stage one is no big deal, I know that is not true. I spent many nights lying awake trying to make sense of it all. I was constantly thinking about why this was happening? How did I get cancer? I cried many tears leading up to my mastectomy day. I didn’t want to have such a major surgery and I didn’t want to lose my breasts. I didn’t want to be put to sleep or spend the night in the hospital. The doctors and nurses do these types of surgeries regularly so they often don’t understand how we are feeling. Recovery is really tough the first few weeks, the drains are extremely uncomfortable, the nerve pain was extremely painful at times and now I had a different body that I had to get used to. It’s okay to cry and mourn your loss. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by it all but remember you are not alone.

Sending you lots of love,

XO

Will I ever feel like myself again?

The simple answer is YES…and no. This is a difficult question to answer because it involves so much and our bodies have changed physically which affects us mentally as well. I can only speak about my experience and I do realize it can be different for every person depending on their initial treatment plan and continued treatment plans.

I do feel like my “old self” in many ways but definitely a new improved version! Let me explain more. Physically, it took a long time (about a year to 18 months) to feel like my body didn’t have some foreign objects stuck to the front of them. These new breasts are definitely not the same but they’re not all bad either! Let’s be honest, as we age our breasts start heading more and more South! I never planned on getting these fake boobs but I can’t complain now that they are not inching closer and closer to my waistline any longer!

What about the mental anguish and depression I had to deal with? Well, that’s gone too. I have a much better appreciation for life, don’t take the little things for granted and am very thankful for each day I have living as a healthy and happy person the best way I know how. When you hear about other women getting a recurrence and living with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, it definitely puts things into perspective! By the way, I am in awe of these women and they inspire me every single day. They are a wonderful example to me and many others. They are the true fighters and thrivers who never give up!

So…YES, you will feel like yourself again, maybe it will take some time, but you will get there!

How To Start Exercising Again After Breast Cancer Treatment

You did everything right. You ate well, worked out consistently, never smoked, drank plenty of water and even slept 7-8 hours each night! There you are, facing a cancer diagnosis and now learning how to continue on during and after all the surgeries and treatments finish. Well, that was ME!

I remember searching the internet to find others who worked out during chemo. I was looking for some kind of guidance on how to start exercising again. Could I lift weights again? How long should I wait before I start up? Will I ever do a push-up again? Do I even want to do a push-up again?!!

I found very little information. I stumbled across someone who ran throughout her chemo so I thought, well, I can try and at least keep moving! And so I did. I kept running very slowly for most of my treatments and then when I became much too drained and tired, I walked an hour everyday! I started to lift weights again about 2-3 weeks after my double mastectomy, once I felt I was getting my range of motion back. I started way back at the beginning. Lifting only 2 or 3 lb weights and then slowly working my way back up. Every 4-8 weeks I would increase the weight and eventually I was close to using the same weights I had used prior to my cancer diagnosis.

Someone said, “you will never do a push-up again.” So you know what that meant?! I would do a push-up again! I started with doing them against the wall, then with my hands on a bench, on my knees and eventually on my toes. They are not as pretty as they used to be but I can still do a push-up and that’s all that matters! Woo Hoo!!

Don’t let anyone or anything stop you. Set a goal for yourself and accomplish that goal no matter how long it may take or how difficult it may seem at this moment. I believe in you! Now you must believe in you!

XO

Me in the middle of my chemo and year of Herceptin infusions.

How Could You Help? I wasn't sure!

When word started to get out on what was happening to me, many family and friends just wanted to help but didn’t know how. The problem was neither did I at the time!

Now looking back, I think it was most helpful when friends or family just did something instead of asking. For example like when my cousin dropped off dinner or when my friends made a Facebook page for me to deliver updates easily and quickly as well as ask for prayers. Or when my aunt and uncle dropped off frozen yogurt for dessert or someone sent a gift card in the mail. I remember when my uncle mailed me a check to help with medical bills and when my aunt bought me a silk robe so I could feel pretty after I shaved my head. I had a friend drop off a new soft towels and soaps to make my shower more special. All of these things were so kind and thoughtful and I did not have to ask for any of them.

I’ll always remember the friends of my girls who dropped off a card or went out of their way to ask how I was. It’s the little things like these I’ll never forget!

XO

THE SIDE EFFECTS THEY DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT...

It’s bad enough you are going to lose your hair, right?! But sadly, the doctors brush over the many other side effects that can also be very difficult to manage. Hair loss is not only on your head. You lose ALL body hair, including eyelashes and eyebrows! Your nails become brittle and you may even lose a few, I did. Some, like me, suffer horrible mouth sores. Mine were so bad I could not eat or swallow from the pain in my mouth and throat. I also experienced horrible nosebleeds during chemo. They would last for 20-30 minutes and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

Of course, the nausea is bad and expected and also many suffer from neuropathy (tingling and pain) in their fingers and toes that can last for many months if not years. Ultimately, I was really one of the lucky ones, my symptoms were mild compared to others!

For my cancer survivors who follow me, what did you experience? What did I miss? For those just starting chemo, please let me know if I can help you in any way!!!

I wanted to share this video from 2008 and the amazing impact herceptin has made!